Answers from our Young Scientists Between Junior High and College
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These gaseous observations were made by junior high, high school and college students around the world. It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades. From test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers, here is a dissertation of loopy, unscientific english:

"When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."

"H O is hot water, and CO is cold water" 2 2

"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"

"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state"

 
 

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

"Respiration is composed of twa acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.

"Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire

"A super saturated solution is one that holds more then is can hold.

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

"The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.

"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects.

"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

"Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception.

How would you grade these daffy definitions?:

"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

"Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

"Liter: A nest of young puppies.

"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away

"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.

"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

"Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

To close todays lab report, I offer these nuggets of scientific wisdom. Each one an unretouched classroom classic:

"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.

"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration.

"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.

"For snakebites: Bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.

"For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

"To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.

"For head cold: use and agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat.

"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.



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About JokeTribe


These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.

 

The difference between web surfing with IE and Firefox is the difference between body armor and a trendy cotton vest

 

We've all heard the stories. Stories about innocently searching the internet with Internet Explorer when, all of a sudden, all the alarms are going off with your virus scanner. Programs are installing themselves. Warnings about Smitfraud-C, SpyAxe, and Vcodec are popping up on your screen.

And some of us have had firsthand experience. Firsthand experience that has led us away from IE and to other browsers like Firefox.

And why is that? Well, virus writers are generally going to be trying to get the most bang for their buck, ,just like everyone else. That's why. And IE currently provides them with that. It still has the largest market share, likely due in large part that it comes preinstalled on most computers.

But just because it's preinstalled doesn't mean you have to use it and expose yourself to all the spyware and virii targetted to it. You can do what an ever growing portion of users out there are doing. You can switch to

 

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