Stupid Criminal Hall of Shame

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running
a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the
front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they
left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their
bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to
the bumper.

South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on
the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the
person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in
the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the

England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with

his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that
the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to
demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was
found in the golf bag.

Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc.
One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who wanted to have her husband
killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.

Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather
than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check--a *forged*
check. He got 10 years.

(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery,
and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut
eyeholes in the mask.

(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole--are
you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is,
the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape
of himself stealing the camera.)

(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a
street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized
that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out
the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he
located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...

Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator.
Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and
loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain
surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors,
etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck,
only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.

(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a
7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

Los Angeles: A woman walked into a convenience store and announced to the clerk: "This
is a holdup!". The Korean clerk did not understand, since his English was poor. The woman
then opened her purse to show the clerk her gun and tried to explain that she intended to
rob the place. The clerk finally understood, quickly grabbed his gun from under the
counter and pointed it at the woman. She immediately ran out of the store and jumped into
the taxi that she had waiting. The clerk ran after her, waving his gun, yelling "Holdup,
holdup!". The taxi driver, thinking that he was being held up, came out of the cab with
his hands in the air. The woman also came out of the car, with the gun in her hand. Both
of them stood there, pointing their guns at each other. Neither could fire, since both
guns were unloaded. Frustrated, the woman finally stopped a passing car by pointing her
gun at the driver, jumped in and ordered the driver to take off. The driver, an off-duty
policeman, complied by taking her directly to the police station.

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About JokeTribe

These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.