Genetic Republican affiliation is revealed in college.
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The startling discovery that affiliation with the Republican party is genetically determined, announced by scientists in the current issue of the journal Nurture, threatens to overshadow the announcement by Government scientists that there might be a gene for homosexuality in men.

Reports of the gene that codes for political conservatism, discovered after a long study of quintuplets in Orange County CA, has sent shock waves through medical, political and golfing communities.

Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long believed that Republicans' unnatural and frequently unconstitutional tendencies result from unhealthy family life--a remarkably high percentage of Republicans had authoritarian, domineering fathers and emotionally distant mothers who didn't teach them how to be kind and gentle. But biologists have long suspected that conservatism is inherited. "After all" said one author of the Nurture article, "It's quite common for a Republican to have a brother or sister who is a Republican."

The finding has been greeted with relief by parents and friends of Republicans, who have tended to blame themselves for the political views of otherwise lovable people--their children, friends and unindicted co-conspirators.

One mother, a longtime Democrat, clasped her hands in ecstasy on hearing of the findings. "I just knew it was genetic," she said, seated beside her two sons, both avowed Republicans. "I just knew nobody would actually CHOOSE that lifestyle!" When asked what the Republicans' lifestyle was, she said, "Well, you can just tell from watching TV, like at the convention in Houston: the loud outfits, the flaming xenophobia, the flamboyant demagogy--you know."

Both sons said they had suspected their Republicanism from an early age but did not confirm it until in college, when they became convinced it wasn't just a phase they were going through.

Despite the near certainty of the medical community about Republicanism's genetic origins, troubling issues remain. The Nurture article offered no response to the suggestion that the startlingly high incidence of Republicanism among siblings could result from the fact that they share not only genes but also psychological and emotional attitudes, being the products of the same parents and family dynamics.

And it remains to be explained why so many avowed Democrats are known to vote Republican occasionally--or at least known to fantasize about doing so. Polls show that at three out of five Democrats admit to having had a Republican experience. In well-adjusted people, however, this experimentation rarely outlasts adolescence.

Surprisingly, some Republican activists hail the findings as a step forward rather than as an invitation to more conservophobia. They argue that since Republicans didn't "choose" their unwholesome life style any more than someone "chooses" to have a ski-jump nose, they shouldn't be denied civil rights to which normal people are entitled.

Other Republicans, recalling 19th century scientific studies that "proved" the mental inferiority of blacks, find the frenzied search for the biological cause of Republicanism pointless if not downright sinister.

But for most real Americans, the discovery opens a window on a brighter tomorrow. In a few years, gene therapy could eradicate Republicanism altogether.

If conservatism is not the result of sheer orneriness (as many suspect) but is something Republicans can't help and probably don't even like, there's no reason why we shouldn't tolerate Republicans in the military or even high elected office--provided they don't flaunt their political beliefs.



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The difference between web surfing with IE and Firefox is the difference between body armor and a trendy cotton vest

 

We've all heard the stories. Stories about innocently searching the internet with Internet Explorer when, all of a sudden, all the alarms are going off with your virus scanner. Programs are installing themselves. Warnings about Smitfraud-C, SpyAxe, and Vcodec are popping up on your screen.

And some of us have had firsthand experience. Firsthand experience that has led us away from IE and to other browsers like Firefox.

And why is that? Well, virus writers are generally going to be trying to get the most bang for their buck, ,just like everyone else. That's why. And IE currently provides them with that. It still has the largest market share, likely due in large part that it comes preinstalled on most computers.

But just because it's preinstalled doesn't mean you have to use it and expose yourself to all the spyware and virii targetted to it. You can do what an ever growing portion of users out there are doing. You can switch to

 

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