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Are YOU a Power User?:
From: richardm@runx.oz.au (Richard Murnane)
Subject: Power Users II

[original, funny (I hope), offensive to nerds, power users and radio hams...]

(with apologies to Cosmopolitan, Byte, and the ARRL it's...)

The Power User's Guide to Power Users, Part II: The Quiz

Are *YOU* a Power User?

  1. Your ideal holiday is:
    • a. Alone on South Sandwich Island, with a radio, antenna, and lots of beer.
    • b. Just you and your Amex Gold Card at any Silicon Valley computer conference.
    • c. Anywhere at all, as long as you can take along your PC.
  2. Your ideal spouse:
    • a. Someone who owns controlling stock in Yaesu, Icom, and Kenwood, and doesn't mind being alone while you're away on a "DX-pedition".
    • b. Owns controlling stock in Borland, Microsoft, Lotus, IBM, and Novell, and buys you software upgrades on your wedding anniversary.
    • c. "What? Er, you mean, like, a woman?"
  3. Your favourite food is:
    • a. "Food? Who cares about food? JY1 is on 20 metres right now, calling 'CQ DX'!"
    • b. "Just a minute, I've got the recipe right here on my database.... Now, how do I run dBase again?"
    • c. Anything with caffeine in it, for those overnight debugging sessions.
  4. Your favourite book is:
    • a. Anything published by the American Relay Relay League.
    • b. Anything with the words "Power User" in the title.
    • c. Anything at all, as long as it's on floppy disk.
  5. What is a GUI?
    • a. "VP8GUI? Yeah, he's that guy on South Sandwich Island who sends Morse Code with his left foot!"
    • b. "Just a minute, I've got the recipe right here on my database.... Now, how do I run dBase again?"
    • c. "A crutch for Power Users who can't handle the DOS command line!"
  6. Two Jehovah's Witnesses arrive at your doorstep: do you
    • a. Scream at the top of your voice "you dragged me out of a QSO with JY1 for THIS?!??!"
    • b. Invite them in to show them your new Borlosoft MicroNavigator [tm] package, and offer to optimise their path through your neighborhood.
    • c. Ask them for the number of their BBS.
  7. What kind of answering machine do you have?
    • a. You don't have a phone - anyone who wants to talk to you calls "CQ DX from South Sandwich Island".
    • b. "This is a voice response system. If you want to speak to me, press 1; if you want to speak to my wife, press 2; if you want to speak to ten-year-old Jimmy, press 3..."
    • c. A V32 modem with auto-answer.
  8. At the supermarket, the checkout-person is having trouble scanning your box of cornflakes. Do you:
    • a. Run out of the supermarket without your groceries. (You just heard on your scanner that the 6 metre band has just opened up to Europe.)
    • b. Pull out your cellular phone, call IBM Tech Support...
    • c. Hah! What do checkout chicks know about technology? You scanned everything while she was packing the previous customer's groceries.
  9. What is your greatest programming achievement?
    • a. Making your PC conduct Morse Code contacts with 57 'rare' countries, without human intervention!
    • b. Getting a macro published in "DBMS" magazine that sorts a column of numbers.
    • c. "When GEnie went down that time, they blamed it on the San Francisco earthquake, but *I* know it was _my_ worm! [evil cackle]"
  10. Which of these statements is most likely to pass your lips?
    • a. "JY1 UR 59, 73! QRZ?"
    • b. "Jennifer, call IBM Tech Support, would you? I'm getting a 'write protect error' thing on my CD-ROM drive."
    • c. "Yeah, a '486 with 16Mb, 1.44 3.5 and 1.2 5.25, VGA, WORM drive, and a V.37 M7F at 14400bps! Hacker's heaven!"

SCORING:

If you answered...

Mostly 'a': You must be a Radio Ham. Your spouse will divorce you, but you will be too wrapped up in a 20 metre band CW contest to notice.

Mostly 'b': You are a Power User. Your spouse will leave you for a Power Lawyer, who will hit you with a "Look 'n' Feel" lawsuit, but you won't know what it is you should have been looking at and feeling.

Mostly 'c': You are a Computer Nerd. Spouse? Are you kidding?

Either way, looks like you'll end up alone. Sobering thought, isn't it?

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