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The first day after Christmas, my true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite!
And with a single cartridge I shot that blasted partridge
My true love, my-yy true LOVE, my true love gave to me...

The second day after Christmas I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks of both the turtle doves!
The third day after Christmas, my mother caught the croup.
I had to use the three French hens to make some chicken soup!

The four calling birds were a big mistake,
for their language was obscene!
The five golden rings were completely fake,
and they turned my fingers green!

The sixth day after Christmas, the six laying geese wouldn't lay!
I sent the whole darn gaggle to the A-S-P-C-A!
The seventh day, what a mess I found!
All seven of the swimming swans had drowned!
My true love, my-yy true LOVE, my true love gave to me...

THEEEEE eighth day after Christmas, before anyone could suspect
I bundled off the
Eight maids a'milking
Nine pipers piping
Ten Ladies dancing
Eleven Lords a'leaping
Twelve drummers drumming
And sent them back COLLECT!!!

I wrote my true love, "We are through, LOVE!" And I said in so many words:
"Furthermore your Christmas gifts are for the
Four calling birds
Three French hens
Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree-eeee-eeeeee-eeeeeeee!"

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