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The Bachelor Commandments:


  1. Thou shalt always fool around on your girlfriend (that way when she
    dumps you can always get the last laugh).
  2. Thou shalt not hose thy girlfriends friends unless you're sure you
    can get away with it AND you do it in her bed.
  3. Thou shalt never spend more than $100 without first getting in her pants.
  4. Thou shalt never marry the first girl you hose after getting out of
    a "slump"
  5. Thou shalt never admit to being in a slump, it is always a "lull."
  6. Thou shalt always have beer in the fridge.
  7. Thou shalt always blow off your girlfriend at least once a month to
    get drunk with your buddies.
  8. Thou shalt always forget to call when performing the previous
    commandment.
  9. Thou shalt never admit to "hogging," it is always "a temporary
    alcohol induced standards derating."
  10. Thou shalt never go on a blind date with someone described as having
    "a good personality."
  11. Thou shalt never turn down steady pussy until it violates number four
    or number ten.
  12. Thou shalt never eat anything high in fiber or low in cholesterol.
  13. Thou shalt never drink non-alcoholic beer.
  14. Thou shalt never covet thy neighbor's wife unless she covets back.
  15. Thou shalt always leave the seat up.


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