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Answering machine messages:


These are actually a small subset (5 of ~300) of answering
machine messages that have been collected and archived at
ftp://ftp.cco.caltech.edu/pub/humor/canonical/canonical.answering
(that file is ~70k, so check there if you want the full list; I'm not
going to fill everyone's mailbox if they don't want it.) Or email me
if you really want a copy and can't access the site.


----------


IDEAS FOR RECORDED MESSAGES



1
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone
right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya
likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...
real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing
our teeth we'll get back to you.




2
A is for academics,
B is for beer.
One of those reasons is why we're not here.
So leave a message.



3
*Hi. This is John
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution,
you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.



4
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.




5
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.


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